Bad Day (The title bar just isn't long enough)
by Saishi
Summary: A parody of 'Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day'. Just proof that I shouldn't drink coffee at 3am.


Duo Maxwell and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day.  
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I dreamt I was tying up Heero, then woke up with my hair in knots, and when I got out of bed, I tripped on my boots, wrenched my ankle and had Soldier Boy's gun in my face before I even hit the ground. My braid fell in the sink while the water was running, I didn't have time to even wring it out before we left, so then my back was soaked and it was cold enough without it. I could tell, right off the bat, that it was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.  
  
Heading to the shuttle, we stopped to grab breakfast, since we didn't even have time for THAT earlier. Everyone's order came fine, except mine. What's so hard about 'no rabbit food' anyway? We didn't realize it til we were about a mile away, so we couldn't go back and change it, and I got to watch everyone else eat while my stomach sat there and threatened to throttle my spine.  
  
I think I'll move back to L2.  
  
When we got on the shuttle, Heero got to pilot and Trowa was right beside him. Wufei and Quatre were to either side of me, so they at least got the window seats. I said I wanted to pilot, but nobody answered. Heero always gets to pilot, it's just not fair. I said I could fly it, I said I could co-pilot if Heero was going to be anal about it... I said that if I didn't at least get to LOOK at the controls, I was going to be forced to sing 'Sail Away' at the top of my lungs the entire trip. Do you know how much duct tape hurts when it comes off your lips? I was right. It was a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.  
  
The doctors decided that the adjustments I made to Deathscythe were unstable. Now why would making the ECM system flare be unstable? Something about blowing up, but everyone knows that 02 has avoided blowing up repeatedly, so I don't know why they were so worried. They also said that I left out some of the calculations... I didn't even bother telling them that I hadn't really done any.  
  
In the simulations, Heero decided that Wufei was going to be his backup, followed by Trowa. *I* was always his backup, why'd he change his mind all of a sudden?? "I hope you get stuck in your Gundam" I said. "I hope that the next time Quatre goes nuts on the Zero System, he blasts you all the way to L2 and back."  
  
If that wasn't enough, I didn't even GET lunch because of the talking to I got after that stunt. Who knew the doctors were listening in on our comlinks? After getting called every name in the book and getting told to shape up, lunch was cold and the drinks were warm... except for Quatre's tea, which was just as cold as lunch. I knew it from the start... it was a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.  
  
The medical exam was even worse. My reflexes were slow, my heartbeat was fast and my vitals were slightly different than what they'd been expecting. So now I've got these pills I need to take to keep everything stable for when I fight so I don't black out, and I get to go back in next week to take care of the cavity they found on top of all of that.  
  
"Next week," I said. "I'm going to L2."  
  
On the way back to the shuttle, the bay door closed on my foot... the SAME foot I wrenched that morning, and while I was busy cursing about that, Wufei started up with the 'weakling' bit and made me want to put him through a wall...  
  
...and while I was attempting to put him through said wall, Heero came over and chewed us both out for being childish and fighting. "I am having a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day." I told everybody. No one even answered.  
  
So then we decided that we all needed new clothes... after all, there's only so long a guy can go around in the same stuff, right? Heero REALLY needed to change that shirt after the sparring anyway. He managed to find just what he was looking for, and Quatre came out in the nicest suit I'd ever seen. When I'd finally decided what I wanted, however, they were out of my size, and the only thing they really had was various shades of plaid.   
  
I don't bloody well think so.  
  
We went back to get our Gundams, and Wufei had told me to stay away from Nataku, but I kind of forgot. Trowa told me to watch out for the release mechanism on Heavyarms' missile lock, and I was careful as could be... til I tripped over Heero's laptop and managed to erase the files that had his school transfer records for his assignment next week, and I think I managed to make it dial out to L2. Quatre said that I should just wait in the shuttle. It was a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.  
  
Dinner was chinese takeout... and I can't eat with chopsticks. Wufei got a REAL kick out of that.  
  
There was wrestling on TV... and I hate wrestling. After all, just give Heero a wedgie and you can get all the wrestling you want, and it's REAL.  
  
My shower was going fine til Quatre started laundry... then I got scalded and my shampoo went in my eyes and I almost pulled down the shower curtain trying to find a towel. I got my clothes all wet so I had to wear sweatpants to bed. Every try wearing sweatpants to bed in July?   
  
Heero was up tapping on his laptop, not even my pillow could keep out the sound, Quatre and Trowa were banging the headboard against the wall, and my head felt like it was going to explode from the migraine I was getting as a result. It had been a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. Heero said that some days are like that.  
  
Even on L2. 


End file.
